Tag: illness
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neurospicy
Read more: neurospicyI love the word “neurospicy.” It’s a lot less heavy than the term neurodivergent. An estimated 15-20% of Americans are considered neurodivergent, but what exactly is neurodivergent, anyway? A lot of different conditions fall under the umbrella of neurodivergent: autism spectrum, ADHD, dyscaculia, dyslexic, dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome, mental health, and, this one is interesting, “acquired…
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delusions
Read more: delusionsCaretaking is a tricky business. One minute it’s simply doing the housework, making sure things run smoothly, cooking, and going to a few doctor appointments. This scenario doesn’t mean that the caretaker is on easy street, but it does mean that you can be in a state of denial about the future. Last month, I…
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prescience
Read more: prescienceTwo years ago I sold my big house, bought a smaller townhome with Katie, and left for Tucson to live with Dad. I did it with somewhat vague intentions, influenced by COVID, my own health, and my dad’s health. I spent zero time wondering if I was doing the “right thing” logically, and trusted my…
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solitude
Read more: solitudeMy social life has changed radically in the past seven years, and it\’s hard to distinguish how much is due to Lyme, and how much is due to COVID. Now I\’m trying to figure out why I like the quieter life so damn much. “There is a difference between solitude and loneliness.” ― Maggie Smith This…
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bowling pins
Read more: bowling pinsLately I\’ve been looking at my life as a set of bowling pins. The bowler is life, and when all ten pins are gone, the show is over. I like the bowling pin analogy, because when one pin goes, it tends to knock down the other pins. If the ball strikes hard enough at the right…
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Herbs
Read more: HerbsPeople are often amazed by how many herbs I use for Lyme treatment. Our medical community has done a fine job of discrediting the use of herbs to treat many illnesses effectively. I think people imagine me wandering down the aisles of Whole Foods or Natural Grocers, picking up things that will help me with…
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dreaming
Read more: dreamingI have had some vivid, amazing dreams lately. Animals visit me regularly in these dreams. So far, I\’ve had dreams with turtles, snakes, elephants, bees, cats, frogs, and dogs. At first, I just bored Katie with retellings of these dreams. Her advice was to look up the \’meaning\’ of the dreams. Well, I did. Let…
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resettling
Read more: resettlingI railroaded my dad into letting me move in with him this past September. It seemed like a good time with COVID and lockdowns and my continued journey with chronic Lyme. The original plan was to sell my house, move in with dad for a while, and later on, move to Costa Rica. Then came…
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One of those days
Read more: One of those daysThere is truth to the adage Johnny Depp quoted in \”Pirates of the Caribbean\”: \”Crazy people don\’t know they\’re crazy\”. Whenever Lyme is flaring up, I am always slow to realize it\’s happening. The first signs are the same. Aches and pains, headaches, a heavy fatigue, and a brain that skips and skitters. Obviously I…
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Stalled
Read more: StalledI been holed up lately, because there\’s not much to say right now. Yes, I\’m still sick. No, I don\’t know if I\’ll ever be completely well. No, there\’s really no clear path or prognosis for me. Yes, it sucks. The uncertainty and grind of being sick for so long has started to wear me…
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dad
Read more: dadYes, my dad is alive and kicking. I want to take the opportunity to embarrass him while I can. It\’s not often we get our own personal heroes, but I have one, a fact that has become even more emphatically clear during my struggle with Lyme. Dad and I are extraordinarily close, our relationship uncomplicated,…
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acceptance?
Read more: acceptance?I fucking hate babesia. Babesia is one of my co-infections, a malaria-like parasite also called a \”piroplasm\”, whatever the fuck that is. It clouds my mind and saps my energy. I get angry and depressed for no reason. My eyes go wonky. All the normal boring crap, too, like fatigue and muscle aches and joint pain. For once,…
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lovesick
Read more: lovesickInfect me. Really. Four years after my divorce, I am ready. Or am I? And why did I choose the word lovesick? Why not simply love? I\’m not sure, I\’m only certain I want the heart-pounding, stomach-swooping sickness that falling in love brings. I\’m ignoring the other side of lovesick. The anxiety and uncertainty, the…
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almost
Read more: almostI have discovered recovery is more difficult than being ill. I am in the land of \”almost well\”, a state as close to purgatory as I can imagine. The difference between almost well and healthy is a sheer mountain wall, technically difficult and requiring great strength. The difference between illness and almost well is a…
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