I like to google the side effects of the drugs I take. I used to do this several times a day, mainly because I could never remember what they were from hour to hour. I do it a lot less now. A month ago, some not so good symptoms crept back (a whole other google rabbit hole). I went back to the doctor and I started taking liposomal artemisinin, a Chinese wormwood derivative that is effective against malaria, babesia, and Lyme (babesia is often a Lyme co-infection) The liposomal part is a fatty matrix that stabilizes the artemisinin part and helps the body absorb the artemisinin. I\’m also taking a few more herbs. Cumanda, an anti-bacterial herb from the Campsiandra Angustifolia tree in the Amazon is one. Cumanda is for neuroborreliosis,  or \”Lyme brain\”. I\’m also taking teasel root extract. That one is from Dypsacus Sylvestris, a biennial teasel plant. Teasel root extract is a cyst buster and biofilm remover. See why I had to google this shit several times a day?

I wondered which one of these herbs was causing my brain fog, liver pain, fatigue, itching, stomach problems and achy bones. As usual, there is no definitive answers. Could be the liposomal artemisinin. Some of the symptoms might be from teasel root. Others might be from cumanda. Why do I care? It doesn\’t really matter, does it? Either way, I have to take them, or the alternatives, Flagyl or Mepron, or any of the pharmaceutical drugs I have also used. They have some of the same side effects, and some others that are worse.

One of the things I\’ve noticed now that I am noticeably better is the herxes don\’t get easier. They are not as bad as they were earlier, but again, does it matter? Sick is sick. These are mostly walking around doing things and crashing later in the day herxes, so shouldn\’t I be thankful for that? I should be, but I\’m not.

Oh, I forgot the last one I\’m taking now, MC-Bar-2. That one is for bartonella and is a medley of herbs like Skullcap, Jamaican sarsaparilla, cordyceps, Pau d\’Arco, White Willow and more. I started to read about each ingredient, but stopped after cordyceps, a fungi that the Chinese grow on caterpillars (and I\’m drinking that shit? GROSS!). Also taking low-dose naloxone, the drug they use to reverse heroin overdoses. They caution me against taking any narcotic every time I refill that one, but I happily down the little white pill in hopes that it does, in fact, boost brain activity in inflamed brains like mine.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep taking all this stuff. Then Lyme comes creeping back. Once bugs get in your system, it\’s hard to eradicate all of them. Once Lyme goes untreated for any length of time, no one knows if you are ever \”cured\”. Each bug has unique properties that make them hard to eradicate. Cysts, biofilms, protein-changing strategies, even immune modulators in tick saliva,  It\’s as though the ticks and the pathogens they carry form an evil synergy  designed to fool the human immune system.

I am not making this stuff up. I wish I were sometimes. The Lyme community debates the validity of herbs vs pharmaceuticals, IV antibiotics, diet, and alternative therapies, like rifing (a highly controversial technique using electromagnetic waves, the patient holds a metal cylinder in each hand, rather like a jumpstart cable for car batteries). The herxes  I experience tell me that the herbs work, sometimes more effectively than the pharmaceuticals. Sometimes  I wonder if I\’ll be on some form of maintenance herbs forever. That wouldn\’t be too bad, except that the herbs taste foul. They have to be taken on an empty stomach, with a small amount of water. I look at the mixture as a tastebud wake-up call.

Why do I keep looking up both the disease and the cure? I think I have to double check to see if a) I have Lyme, and b) I am still sick with Lyme. There is a third option. I have the ridiculous theory that since I have Lyme, I will get no other diseases. The sheer lunacy of this insures that I double and triple check my symptoms, making sure that I only have Lyme. You can die from Lyme, but it is rare, if it is treated. I had to google Lyme fatality rates just now. They are low, but phrases like \”drastically shortened lifespans\” and \”death from secondary infections\” pop up too often for my taste.

There can be no other reasons than these. It\’s fucked up that I still need affirmation that I do have Lyme. I don\’t want it. Is that why I do it? Maybe this time I\’ll see that all these symptoms are not Lyme! It\’s something else, something easily cured with a few pills. And don\’t you think I\’d be okay with being sick by now? Apparently not. <sigh> Google will have to continue to be my support group, because I don\’t particularly like support groups. It\’s not that I don\’t want to share information. It\’s the few people who seem to use the forum as an opportunity to whine on and on about how sick they are.

Ooh, that was kind of mean. I\’m sure they can\’t help it, and really need the support. I like a different kind of support. I like it best when people treat me normally, teasing and harassing me as if everything is fine. It is, mostly. Except when it\’s not. Then I google away, double and triple checking. Just in case.

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