Tag: chronic illness
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holidays
Read more: holidaysJuly 4th is tomorrow. I asked Dad if he wanted to do anything and he gave me the look that said not only “no,” but “HELL no.” I am okay with that. In fact, since Lyme, I don’t celebrate most holidays very much, certainly not like I used to. My theory is we celebrate most…
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Judgy
Read more: JudgyI try mightily not to be judgmental. In the effort to put myself in someone else\’s shoes, I fail most miserably with myself. Some of the ridiculous judgements I make (only with myself): should you be doing this? Why aren\’t you doing that? Do you really feel that bad? You\’re just being [lazy, a drama…
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Even keel
Read more: Even keelI love the etymology of words and phrases. Yesterday, I wanted to say \”on an even keel\” in Spanish and struggled to explain what that meant. Two of the students are men in their twenties, and the instructor is a Puerto Rican woman in her twenties. Idioms are lost on younger people now (not all,…
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Herbs
Read more: HerbsPeople are often amazed by how many herbs I use for Lyme treatment. Our medical community has done a fine job of discrediting the use of herbs to treat many illnesses effectively. I think people imagine me wandering down the aisles of Whole Foods or Natural Grocers, picking up things that will help me with…
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sequestered
Read more: sequesteredThere\’s a difference between quarantined and sequestered. Quarantined means YOU have the illness. Sequestered means I DON\’T WANT THE ILLNESS. I\’m back to where I was three years ago: stuck at home being sick. Bartonella, one of my co-infections, is the bane of my existence. Borrelia burdorferi and babesia have been contained (not eradicated, contained). Not Bartonella. It continues to rage…
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mental
Read more: mentalI\’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately. Wait, don\’t panic! Not in a real way, but in a Lyme way. There is a difference, and it is significant. Psychiatric problems from Lyme are well-documented and common. After all, there are, quite literally, bugs in your brain, wreaking havoc. So when I say I think about suicide,…
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RomComs
Read more: RomComsI can always tell when I\’m feeling better. First sign is a manic frenzy to get my life \”back on track\”. I play catch-up and start to think about the future. That instantly brings on depression, anxiety and panic, so I try to balance it out by watching romcoms. I like romantic comedies. A LOT.…
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Stalled
Read more: StalledI been holed up lately, because there\’s not much to say right now. Yes, I\’m still sick. No, I don\’t know if I\’ll ever be completely well. No, there\’s really no clear path or prognosis for me. Yes, it sucks. The uncertainty and grind of being sick for so long has started to wear me…
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comfort
Read more: comfortThis blog was originally about losing my mind and being sad when I got well enough to realize I lost my mind for a good long while. There is little doubt (at least to me) that my brain is returning. I kept veering off the subject of crazy, though. and into grief. I had no…
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retired?
Read more: retired?What\’s the difference between being retired and being useless? Staying busy or taking up space? Is there a magical moment where one moves from one column to the next? I\’ve been pondering these questions as I cobble together ways to feel useful and productive with the erratic uncertainty of Lyme. I am terrified of being…
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almost
Read more: almostI have discovered recovery is more difficult than being ill. I am in the land of \”almost well\”, a state as close to purgatory as I can imagine. The difference between almost well and healthy is a sheer mountain wall, technically difficult and requiring great strength. The difference between illness and almost well is a…
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hope
Read more: hopeI spent yesterday afternoon in a room full of Lyme patients. It was the first time I had been around so many Lyme sufferers. We were all gathered at the Tattered Cover to hear Dr. Richard Horowitz. For those of you who don\’t know, he is a demi-god in the pantheon of Lyme doctors. He\’s…
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