Tag: relapse
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moving
Read more: movingI can always tell when I\’m fighting an infection now. Babesia, a malaria-like protozoan parasite co-infection that hasn\’t been in the picture for over two years (maybe more, I can\’t keep all this shit straight) has returned. It\’s probably due to an overload of stress and activity. I\’m selling my house and down-sizing. I made the…
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talking to myself
Read more: talking to myselfI\’m in the \”I need to give myself a good talking to\” phase of recovering from this latest relapse. It\’s the stage where I\’m returning to normal and I always do that better physically than mentally. Unless you have experienced unpredictable lapses in your health, understanding the amount of mental strength it takes to get…
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Judgy
Read more: JudgyI try mightily not to be judgmental. In the effort to put myself in someone else\’s shoes, I fail most miserably with myself. Some of the ridiculous judgements I make (only with myself): should you be doing this? Why aren\’t you doing that? Do you really feel that bad? You\’re just being [lazy, a drama…
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comfort
Read more: comfortThis blog was originally about losing my mind and being sad when I got well enough to realize I lost my mind for a good long while. There is little doubt (at least to me) that my brain is returning. I kept veering off the subject of crazy, though. and into grief. I had no…
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acceptance?
Read more: acceptance?I fucking hate babesia. Babesia is one of my co-infections, a malaria-like parasite also called a \”piroplasm\”, whatever the fuck that is. It clouds my mind and saps my energy. I get angry and depressed for no reason. My eyes go wonky. All the normal boring crap, too, like fatigue and muscle aches and joint pain. For once,…
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almost
Read more: almostI have discovered recovery is more difficult than being ill. I am in the land of \”almost well\”, a state as close to purgatory as I can imagine. The difference between almost well and healthy is a sheer mountain wall, technically difficult and requiring great strength. The difference between illness and almost well is a…
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stamina
Read more: staminaI have lost my stamina. I\’ve become the person others look at to feel better. You know, the \”my life sucks, but it could be worse, I could be as sick as Melissa\” line. I know, because I\’ve done that. Haven\’t we all? One of my guilty pleasures used to be \”Toddlers and Tiaras\”. Yes.…
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