Life and Lyme

Muddling Through Life with Lyme Disease

Category: Chronic illness

  • curses

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    I curse. A lot. Recent studies indicate cursers are smarter and more honest. Yes! Let\’s go with that. I can\’t remember the first time I heard someone curse, or the first time I cursed. I do remember cursing with my friends on the bus, the words spitting out of my mouth. Curse words are often…

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  • acceptance?

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    Melissa
    in

    I fucking hate babesia. Babesia is one of my co-infections, a malaria-like parasite also called a \”piroplasm\”, whatever the fuck that is. It clouds my mind and saps my energy. I get angry and depressed for no reason. My eyes go wonky. All the normal boring crap, too, like fatigue and muscle aches and joint pain. For once,…

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  • lovesick

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    Infect me. Really. Four years after my divorce, I am ready. Or am I? And why did I choose the word lovesick? Why not simply love? I\’m not sure, I\’m only certain I want the heart-pounding, stomach-swooping sickness that falling in love brings. I\’m ignoring the other side of lovesick. The anxiety and uncertainty, the…

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  • almost

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    I have discovered recovery is more difficult than being ill. I am in the land of \”almost well\”, a state as close to purgatory as I can imagine. The difference between almost well and healthy is a sheer  mountain wall, technically difficult and requiring great strength. The difference between illness and almost well is a…

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  • intuition

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    I run hot and cold on trusting my intuition. There have been times when I know down to my bones that I am doing the right thing. Other times, I waffle, unsure if I can trust my gut feelings. Intuition is a slippery beast, a decision based on feelings, without evident rational thought or interference.…

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  • time

    time

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    Melissa
    in

    If I were to characterize myself, I’d be the grasshopper in Aesop’s Fable #373, “The Ant and the Grasshopper.” The grasshopper dances and frolics all summer, while the ant toils away, gathering food for the winter. When winter comes, the cold and hungry grasshopper begs the ant for food and shelter, and is refused. The…

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  • ogled

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    Melissa
    in

    I went to Victoria’s Secret with my daughter Katie last week. She just turned thirty. I am fifty-eight. If you are the mother of a daughter, there comes a day of reckoning, a watershed moment that is not always welcomed. The day men’s eyes slide right past you and land squarely on your daughter. I remember…

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  • mess

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    Melissa
    in

    I was once a hot mess. I know this because I’ve asked old friends what they thought of me back then. There was no rhyme or reason for my behavior in my teens and early twenties. I was completely unaware that I was, in my own way, desperately trying to work through my damage. Sometimes…

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  • hope

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    I spent yesterday afternoon in a room full of Lyme patients. It was the first time I had been around so many Lyme sufferers. We were all gathered at the Tattered Cover to hear Dr. Richard Horowitz. For those of you who don’t know, he is a demi-god in the pantheon of Lyme doctors. He’s…

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  • deflate

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    My favorite! I didn’t think anyone noticed this particularly delightful symptom, but they do. It’s when you feel pretty good—you’re shopping for furniture or at a concert at Red Rocks, or just playing pickleball when WHAM! Deflate. I’ve been thinking about exactly what happens, and how perceptive people can notice so quickly. I’m a fairly…

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  • mom

    mom

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    by

    Melissa
    in , , ,

    My mom. Were there ever two words with more baggage? I have two moms: my biological mom and the mom who is my mother. I can’t imagine what it would be like to adopt three children, let alone get them all in one year. First, my brothers. They were biological brothers from an orphanage in…

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  • rebellion

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    Getting completely well is harder than I thought. I am so close to the end yet farther away than ever. This is where I should get some kind of power surge, both mental and physical. I am sputtering. No surges here. Instead, my head and body seem united in a small rebellion. Anyone who knows…

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  • body

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    Melissa
    in

    I like my body. I’ve never quite trusted it, because it was broken when I was seven. I fell out of a tree and fractured my skull. I was in a coma for about a week. It’s funny what you remember about hospital stays, especially when you’re young. I definitely remember the nurses coming in…

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  • fractious

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    by

    Melissa
    in

    I am scratchy and irritated these days. Is it the nature of healing? Is being constantly annoyed a sign that I’m getting better, and if so, why? You’d think I’d be all happy and excited, and I am, but I’m also fractious. I curse at all the drivers on the road, loudly and often. This…

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  • confinement

    confinement

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    Melissa
    in , , , , ,

    Being sick is boring. I used to joke that Lyme had transformed me into a swooning Victorian lady until shit got real. Then it wasn’t funny anymore. Seriously, think what it must have been like to be sick before, say, 1910. There would have been days, weeks, hell, months of confinement with little to do but lie…

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