Life and Lyme
Muddling Through Life with Lyme Disease
The question is not how to get cured, but how to live.
Joseph Conrad
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bumbling
Read more: bumblingA new chapter, turning over a new leaf, rising from the ashes, rebirth, starting over; the sheer number of maxims boggles the mind. The facts are usually the same. Person has a setback, person begins life with a new purpose. I might argue this is one of the most basic facts of life. It smacks…
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DNA
Read more: DNAI have two family trees. All adoptees do. The first is the family whose name I share, who I grew up with, my family. The other tree is newer, yet with older roots. It is my DNA tree. I had done a DNA test over fifteen years ago, but the parameters were much broader back then. This…
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flabby
Read more: flabbyMy mind, body and spirit have grown flabby from Lyme. I had good news from my doctor this week. I am, metaphorically, sprinting down the backstretch. Only I\’m not sprinting, I\’m lackadaisically strolling, the one pace Lyme allowed. This is supposed to be good news, and it is. I haven\’t figured out what it means…
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comfort
Read more: comfortThis blog was originally about losing my mind and being sad when I got well enough to realize I lost my mind for a good long while. There is little doubt (at least to me) that my brain is returning. I kept veering off the subject of crazy, though. and into grief. I had no…
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dad
Read more: dadYes, my dad is alive and kicking. I want to take the opportunity to embarrass him while I can. It\’s not often we get our own personal heroes, but I have one, a fact that has become even more emphatically clear during my struggle with Lyme. Dad and I are extraordinarily close, our relationship uncomplicated,…
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retired?
Read more: retired?What\’s the difference between being retired and being useless? Staying busy or taking up space? Is there a magical moment where one moves from one column to the next? I\’ve been pondering these questions as I cobble together ways to feel useful and productive with the erratic uncertainty of Lyme. I am terrified of being…
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curses
Read more: cursesI curse. A lot. Recent studies indicate cursers are smarter and more honest. Yes! Let\’s go with that. I can\’t remember the first time I heard someone curse, or the first time I cursed. I do remember cursing with my friends on the bus, the words spitting out of my mouth. Curse words are often…
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acceptance?
Read more: acceptance?I fucking hate babesia. Babesia is one of my co-infections, a malaria-like parasite also called a \”piroplasm\”, whatever the fuck that is. It clouds my mind and saps my energy. I get angry and depressed for no reason. My eyes go wonky. All the normal boring crap, too, like fatigue and muscle aches and joint pain. For once,…
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lovesick
Read more: lovesickInfect me. Really. Four years after my divorce, I am ready. Or am I? And why did I choose the word lovesick? Why not simply love? I\’m not sure, I\’m only certain I want the heart-pounding, stomach-swooping sickness that falling in love brings. I\’m ignoring the other side of lovesick. The anxiety and uncertainty, the…
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almost
Read more: almostI have discovered recovery is more difficult than being ill. I am in the land of \”almost well\”, a state as close to purgatory as I can imagine. The difference between almost well and healthy is a sheer mountain wall, technically difficult and requiring great strength. The difference between illness and almost well is a…
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intuition
Read more: intuitionI run hot and cold on trusting my intuition. There have been times when I know down to my bones that I am doing the right thing. Other times, I waffle, unsure if I can trust my gut feelings. Intuition is a slippery beast, a decision based on feelings, without evident rational thought or interference.…
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